feeling my age
In 2011 in a desperate attempt to change my life I went on a trip to the US with only enough money to last me for a month there. I did not…
tags /anxiety /
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the beach
I’ve had an affinity with the beach since I was young. Every time I had the opportunity to take a vacation, it would almost always be the beach. My younger self would…
my mind, the invisible loudspeaker
Anhedonia. The inability to feel pleasure. I wonder if I have sort of been this way for as long as I can remember. Is that why I’ve always been somewhat reckless and…
the capacity to be flexible
I woke up yesterday with the intention to run, but the PSI had entered unhealthy ranges due to the seasonal haze that comes in from Indonesia. When I was younger I used…
when my body goes rogue
[cw: pain, death] Yesterday I started experiencing pain in my body again. It is difficult not to feel low when it happens. I think chronic pain snowballs into a form of ptsd,…
my mind is full of webs
I realised when I think of something it doesn’t exist as a single entity. A thought is linked to a million other thoughts, to the past and to the future. I remember…
the off switch
Sometimes I think it is somewhat of an evolutionary miracle that most humans can go on with life even with the world burning around us. Most of us just grow numb and…
every day now
This pandemic has not been good for my nervous system (I wanted to write “mental health”, but I think that is potentially a misleading term because it makes it seems like actual…
nostalgia, music, time and worth
Listening to music had always been a big part of my life. No, not classical music, but emo soppy mandarin/cantonese pop with some american/british pop (I was crazy over Take That) mixed…
returning to one’s core
In chinese there’s a phrase 初心, which is loosely translated as “original heart”, and it means one’s original intentions, the core of who we are. I do believe we are constantly evolving…