Sometimes I think I am too “purist” in the way I live: I am always trying to do the “right” thing, but perhaps what is the right thing for me intellectually may not be the right thing psychologically. In a world like this it is difficult to live right in the middle of reality, to open our eyes wide and acknowledge the extent of suffering and unfairness that exists.
In one of our recent conversations my partner and I were discussing my chronic depression. She noticed I tend to be less depressed when I travel. I asked her if it is okay for me to keep on escaping my depression by distracting myself from it. She believes that if I keep on escaping from it I will eventually find the actual way out. I don’t know why she thinks so.
The purist in me abhors the notion of escaping from reality. To me, it is important to face the truth in order to grow the capacity to cope with it and not repress it. But maybe wounds need protection from their environment in order to heal. At my age now I am open to coping in different ways. Maybe what has worked for me in the past is no longer working. Or maybe there are always different ways to cope, and I shouldn’t insist there is one correct way. Is there even a correct way? If living closer to the truth makes me feel like dying and escaping from it allows me to survive, which is the morally correct way?
Anyway. I apologise if I sound vague and convoluted. That is the reality of my disturbed mind. So I listened to her and here we are in Fukuoka. Each time I travel I think I am risking my health because of the increased risk of getting covid again, but I am also making this decision in the context of my sanity and that the world is getting more unstable with wars and climate change. I am trying to see if I can reduce the risk as much as possible by strict masking on planes, using nasal/throat sprays, cpc gargles, not eating indoors etc.
It is a little sad to come to Japan the land of great food and not able to dine at most restaurants because almost everything is indoors. I am curious to see what will be the experience.
I am writing this with some fatigue because we took a 120am flight and barely slept. But it is sunday and I don’t want to skip publishing. I feel like as I get older my memories become more precious. I was looking at my instagram feed some time ago and I used to be really spontaneous in posting photos to date my travels. I used to write more spontaneous blog posts while travelling too. I wish to prioritise preserving my memories over quality. So perhaps I am going to try to blog my journey, more of what goes on day to day in my life. I am not sure if I will, but at least I am setting this intention.
Here’s our very first attempt at outdoor eating – the famous Bourdain-acclaimed lawson egg sandwich:
I love egg sandwiches even without Bourdain’s endorsement so I am so glad to be able to have them. Apart from convenience stores, cafes in Japan make really good egg sandwiches in general. But we can’t eat indoors so I’ll have to settle. I wonder how much of this sentiment will pervade through the trip.
…And this truck with godzilla blasting dramatic music was hilarious:
Hope it was not too weird reading a snapshot of my psyche and then seeing a photo of an egg sandwich. I guess that sums me up nicely. I guess I have to remember the act of documentation is more important than what makes sense. Nothing in the world makes sense anyway.