on seeing my self as a canvas
I am not sure why, but I don’t have much interest in life. I have been this way for as long as I can remember, though I am not sure if my…
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getting closer to my darkness
I have always struggled with my mind, but the intensity seemed to worsen in the past few months. Tracing back, I think it was since my covid infection. I wasn’t surprised to…
what does it mean to live well
A while ago an old friend texted me that an unexpected event had once again reminded her how transient life can be, and she thought of me because I was one of…
100 days of post-covid infection: state of mind, health & writing
It has been 100 days since I tested negative for covid. I know this because I count it incrementally in my morning pages. If I do develop long covid it would be…
thoughts on the suicidal mind
[tw: suicide] I watched Roadrunner, a documentary about Anthony Bourdain, and it left me a lot of thoughts as someone who has struggled with my own existence my entire life. Though I am writing…
being creative is not just about making things
I place a lot of value on creativity in my life, and this has been pretty consistent throughout my various life stages. For a long time it was tied to my identity…
on imagining myself as a game character
On most days, I don’t feel like doing anything. This non-feeling taken to the extreme, can also mean I may not feel like living. Everything including breathing itself can feel like a chore. I am not…
practicing creativity while in recovery
Prior to getting covid I revolved my life around getting healthier: exercising, recovering from exercise, cooking. Now I am just focused on getting back to my baseline, which till now I am…
surprising myself with my self
I have always thought of myself as an open-minded person, but in recent years due to increasing self awareness I realised I can be very set in some patterns of my thinking,…
my strange relationship with time
I have a strange relationship with time. On one hand, I have time anxiety: the fear that time will pass too quickly and I’ll run out of time. On the other hand,…