looking back at 2023
I write these every year for the purpose of documenting my life. The caveat is that this is written with some recency bias and that the act of recollection is always faulty:…
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on seeing my self as a canvas
I am not sure why, but I don’t have much interest in life. I have been this way for as long as I can remember, though I am not sure if my…
getting closer to my darkness
I have always struggled with my mind, but the intensity seemed to worsen in the past few months. Tracing back, I think it was since my covid infection. I wasn’t surprised to…
what does it mean to live well
A while ago an old friend texted me that an unexpected event had once again reminded her how transient life can be, and she thought of me because I was one of…
100 days of post-covid infection: state of mind, health & writing
It has been 100 days since I tested negative for covid. I know this because I count it incrementally in my morning pages. If I do develop long covid it would be…
thoughts on the suicidal mind
[tw: suicide] I watched Roadrunner, a documentary about Anthony Bourdain, and it left me a lot of thoughts as someone who has struggled with my own existence my entire life. Though I am writing…
being creative is not just about making things
I place a lot of value on creativity in my life, and this has been pretty consistent throughout my various life stages. For a long time it was tied to my identity…
on imagining myself as a game character
On most days, I don’t feel like doing anything. This non-feeling taken to the extreme, can also mean I may not feel like living. Everything including breathing itself can feel like a chore. I am not…
practicing creativity while in recovery
Prior to getting covid I revolved my life around getting healthier: exercising, recovering from exercise, cooking. Now I am just focused on getting back to my baseline, which till now I am…
surprising myself with my self
I have always thought of myself as an open-minded person, but in recent years due to increasing self awareness I realised I can be very set in some patterns of my thinking,…