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September 1, 2024 journal

the answer I must seek

My partner pitter patters around the house constantly, always looking for something to do, always scheming up some new creative project of hers. Being with her is an ongoing lesson and reminder…

February 18, 2024 journal

a wet mouldy sponge

Yesterday after a strength-training session I had a very innocuous mini argument with my partner about misplacing some things at home. Which after I simply slumped and curled up into a ball…

January 14, 2024 journal

pandemic grief and sadness

One of the biggest cognitive dissonances I’ve had in this pandemic is seeing almost everyone I know – including the most intelligent and the most socially responsible – throw away all covid…

October 22, 2023 journal

getting closer to my darkness

I have always struggled with my mind, but the intensity seemed to worsen in the past few months. Tracing back, I think it was since my covid infection.  I wasn’t surprised to…

August 6, 2023 journal

thoughts on the suicidal mind

[tw: suicide] I watched Roadrunner, a documentary about Anthony Bourdain, and it left me a lot of thoughts as someone who has struggled with my own existence my entire life. Though I am writing…

April 6, 2023 journal

42

Last year, I wrote I wanted to learn how to cope. I don’t think I have learnt to cope well yet, but I do think I have made some progress compared to…

January 5, 2023 journal

2023: aspirations

I have always written long-form for previous years’ new year’s posts, but I thought for this year I will adopt the bullet-point format like my year-in-review. Also previously I had focused on…

October 30, 2022 journal

the reasonable response

I go into these phases of low moods – at least they are phases, they used to be a permanent feature – my partner would ask me why. Most of the time…