my refuge
In Zen/Buddhism there is a concept of taking refuge in the Self, that throughout chaos and impermanence there is a part of our interior world that is timeless and at peace –…
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the contrast of nine years
A couple of days ago I had a day surgery for an infected skin cyst. It was minor but very painful. I couldn’t help but think about another previous skin cyst surgery…
the (lack of) capacity to love one’s work
Yesterday I was watching a kdrama about classical musicians, and there was a scene where an actor explained why he quit playing the violin even though he was good at it. He…
55 months of weighing the costs
When we got together I told her I would like to celebrate a monthly anniversary. At first it was because I was hugely skeptical of our relationship, and in general I was…
marvel
Today is the 2nd and a Sunday, so I am taking the opportunity to document us again. I wonder if I’m just regurgitating everything I’ve previously written, but I realised if that…
love does not run on autopilot
Today is my writing day (typically on sunday), and it also happens to be our 28-month anniversary, so I thought I’ll take the opportunity to reflect on us. 2 years-ish is not…
a relationship with me
My partner sent her first text to me after reading my essay about being chronically depressed and suicidal. She said it made her feel like I was truly alive. How ironic. She…
What I learned about love and loving a person
what it really means to partner & love
how can love begin
how can love begin for oneself without holding sight of one’s true self
the luckiest
The story goes: my would-be partner, when we were just briefly acquainted, read an essay I wrote about being chronically depressed and suicidal. She was so struck by it, she did something…