our lives have irreversibly changed in the past few years because of the pandemic. most people think it is over, but for us it is still an ongoing threat as we seek to protect our bodies from invisible damage caused by the virus. we haven’t hung out with friends for a very long while, we mask even with our respective families, and we don’t dine indoors. today while dining in yet another outdoor restaurant i couldn’t help but think how nice would it be to eat a really nice meal indoors. i love eating, so there’s so much food we’ve been missing out. we’re both relatively anti-social compared to the average person but from time to time it would also be nice to have a meal with some friends. but we continue to persist — especially because 6 months after my infection my heart rate is still erratic. i have some mild form of dysautomia, and i know only because i wear continuous monitoring gadgets. i am just glad it is not more serious for now. i’ve seen couples breaking up because they are not on the same page regarding covid. so am truly grateful she’s as cautious as me if not more, and we still have each other in our covid-cautious bubble even if the rest of the world has moved on. i can’t help but feel i’m missing out on a lot, but i have the most precious things: love, health, solidarity with my partner during times when they matter the most. happy 90 months together, if i’ve to be locked into a bubble for the rest of my life, i must be so lucky that it is with her — she who loves and protects me despite my sharp edges and dark corners. we are missing out on so much, but we would rather not miss each other.
I like that the art I make now has a home on this website instead of just living on instagram, so I’ll probably make more effort to post these monthly anniversary thoughts over here as well. I’ve post just a few before, it would take some time to backfill it. At the very least I should post the future ones here. Seeing everything in one place is cool. I should stop treating instagram as an archive considering how difficult it is to retrieve past posts.
My partner says I am brave for posting these thoughts about our covid cautiousness. I think it is sad and depressing that this is perceived to need courage?
Hope it is not too scary to see a photo with our big faces.