Last week I briefly wrote that the push for humans to be good is a net negative for this world. There were a couple of comments asking me to elaborate, so I am writing this post in response.
I think this is a very complex topic and I am not confident of articulating my personal sentiments in an accurate manner. My apologies in advance if I sound incoherent. But I wish to try. I can always write a better version in future. Internet words are not set in stone.
First of, we need to define what is “good”. Right off the bat this becomes problematic, because the goalposts of what is “good” tend to shift as times and cultures change. Religious people will refer to their religious texts, but as an atheist I don’t believe they are the source of truth.
But let’s assume they are the source of truth. I still think that this is a net negative effect for the world. We make people study those texts, make them adhere to those rules non-negotiably, shame and guilt them when they are unable to comply. What happens next? Some people develop unhealthy psychological complexes due to repression, others develop self-hatred because they think having human desires are evil, some others use the texts as a weapon to harm other people. We could say that the texts are not at fault, the problem is how people are interpreting it. But if human beings are not able to absorb, express and share something in a healthy manner, should we question whether our psyches are suited to co-exist with something like this?
I believe human beings are naturally rebellious. Unlike many I see this innate rebellious nature as a positive thing. It is because we rebel that is why we improve and discover new information about the world and our selves. If we accept status quo we would still be animals living in trees and caves. We discovered fire – instead of recognising it only as danger we learnt to harness it. We are meant to explore, experiment, and question.
But in this world, we tell people and kids they have to be unequivocally and unquestionably “good”. There is no why, no discourse, no framework. We have to be “good” no matter what, or else we will disappoint, or be condemned. The result is a large number of people has become terrified of being perceived as “bad”. In my opinion, this has numerous negative repercussions:
- We wear masks to hide our selves because we don’t want anybody to know we are “bad”.
- To cope we develop unhealthy coping mechanisms: alcohol, shopping, addiction, workaholism, disassociation, becoming emotionally unavailable, developing toxic traits without being conscious of it, etc.
- We judge and shame others who are not able to be “good” the way we define it.
- Society is generally harsh to people who make mistakes because they are “bad”, and “a leopard cannot change its spots”. Hence we are also harsh to our selves when we make mistakes, and some of us believe we are irredeemable.
- We have become unwilling to pursue our desires or personal happiness because it is “selfish”. In turn we also tell people they can’t pursue their happiness because it is “selfish”. If and when we do pursue our own happiness we are often guilty about it.
- Because there is some underlying belief that it is bad to pursue our own happiness, some people remain in their unsatisfying lives. We are missing out on so much human potential, so much more that could have unfolded if people were less miserable within their lives.
- We believe it is okay to walk around dripping unhappiness as long as it is for the “greater good”. A small example of this are couples who need to divorce but don’t for the sake of their children, without knowing they are causing their children more trauma by modelling unhealthy relationship behaviours.
- Some people develop saviour complexes and harm the communities they were trying to help.
- Don’t we all know the non-profit person who made their employees work with below-average pay and long working hours because they are “saving the world”?
- We obey, even if and when we are abused.
- We try to be kind and gracious even if people take advantage of us and overstep their boundaries. Hence, we become toothless when it comes to standing up for our selves and our rights.
- We strangely idolise abusive people like Elon Musk because in our own fight to be “good” we have lost our personal power, so we admire power.
- We don’t feel whole because we don’t learn to integrate our shadows, instead we spend copious amount of energy trying to suppress them. Hence we get mid-life crises when we suddenly wonder what is the whole point of life trying to become someone we are not.
- We unconsciously harm people around us because all of that unhappiness trying to be someone else will find its way up to the surface and leak, if not explode.
- We don’t see the ways we are being righteous is actually hurting other people who may not share the same values. Sometimes it causes other people to die.
- Everyone has their own definition of “good” so we fight each other over it, and it is okay to kill someone else if they are “not “good”.
The above examples demonstrate that if we truly want to do no harm we have to examine the narratives and blindspots that surround the concept of goodness.
There is some part of our selves, whether you call it a soul or a psyche, that doesn’t like self-betrayal. Somehow this part of our selves knows when we keep lying to our selves. This continuous lying becomes a form of deep repressed anger. We think we can soothe that anger by winning. Winning a war, a promotion, a business, a person. But winning often comes at the expense of someone else being a loser.
Then there is the question of free will, if it exists at all. All of us like to believe we are free to decide, without being conscious of the biases, conditioning and neurological wiring we possess. If we are not truly free to decide, then how meaningful is it to judge people on their “goodness”?
Just to be clear, this is not about religion. Atheists can have harsh judgments on other people too, and have their own narrow definitions of what is good and what is bad. I guess I am trying to express that life is complex, and by telling people they have to be a good person whatever good means in their religion or society is compressing our human depth into something simplistic and small.
A lot of buddhist/zen philosophy is about breaking out of this dualistic/binary thinking. But even this ancient philosophy about practicing the middle way has turned into modern variations about virtue and hell.
I believe in being practical and realistic, to meet people where they are. Human beings are neurotic, in my opinion. We cannot help but be neurotic, because we probably had to do a ton of ugly shit in order to survive this far. Imagine the trauma all our ancestors had to go through, killing predators, fighting wars, escaping enemies. We have survival instincts built-in, we are territorial and competitive, we have desires and ambitions. We have these impulses for a reason, it is how we have evolved. We can’t just sweep them all under the carpet, pretend they don’t exist, and “be good”.
We are also inevitably creating an unequal world where some people are exploiting the powerlessness of “good” people, who are told to turn the other cheek when slapped. Is a world full of oppressed, fearful, unhappy people a healthy world?
We should get to know our selves. Why we are the way we are biologically and evolutionarily, and figure out a way to exist so we can stop lying to our selves. If we keep lying and repressing, there will continue to be repercussions. Things that are buried are never dormant, they are always haunting us in every living moment.