because we are both pessimists
It is so easy to take for granted, the ease of a relationship that has lasted 106 months. That is almost 9 years, a little less than a quarter of my life….
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living life like a solo rpg player
One of my all-time favourite games is stardew valley. I don’t actually play a lot of games, partially because they trigger migraines and motion sickness for me, and partially because a combination…
one-year covid anniversary reflections
Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the day I tested positive for covid for the first time. All things considered I thought I had done well to avoid it for three years…
Love is simultaneous mutual regulation
Love is simultaneous mutual regulation, wherein each person meets the needs of the other, because neither can provide for his own. Such a relationship is not 50-50—it’s 100-100. Each takes perpetual care of the other, and, within concurrent reciprocity, both thrive. For those who attain it, the benefits of deep attachment are powerful—regulated people feel whole, centered, alive. With their physiology stabilized from the proper source, they are resilient to the stresses of daily life, or even to those of extraordinary circumstance.
encounter another by chance who will teach him what he needs to learn
A person with maladaptive Attractors can encounter another by chance who will teach him what he needs to learn. The instructor fate provides, whether husband or wife, brother, sister, or friend, is often amiably unmoved by the other’s problematic emotional messages. Through the reach of their relationship and the utility of his relative imperviousness, he can gently and incrementally dissuade his student from headlong flight down paths that terminate in sorrow.
Those who could love him well are invisible
You can’t tell someone with faulty Attractors to go out and find a loving partner—from his point of view, there are none. Those who could love him well are invisible. Even if the clouds parted and a perfectly compassionate and understanding lover descended from heaven on a sunbeam to land at his feet, his mind would still be tuned to another sort of relationship; he still wouldn’t know what to do.
love, online
originally published on “The Life and Death of an Internet Onion”, a webzine that had a shelf life of an onion – 5 weeks – by @roombaghost, Aug 2021
the joy and suffering of awareness
I wrote a blurb for our monthly anniversary this month which led me to contemplate about the transience of life. One of the reasons why I wanted to celebrate us monthly instead…
why we should learn to truly love our selves
There is this pervasive narrative that loving oneself is selfish, especially in confucian societies which prioritise the collective over the self, and certain religions that preach sacrificing for the greater good is…
on swinging between extremes
Because of my health issues I have had to experiment a lot with my diet and exercise, so I go into semi-strict regimes to see if something works. I say “semi-strict” because…