my mind, the invisible loudspeaker
Anhedonia. The inability to feel pleasure. I wonder if I have sort of been this way for as long as I can remember. Is that why I’ve always been somewhat reckless and…
tags /life /
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different realities under the same blue sky
My partner and I were were surprised we had radically different interpretations of a particular scene of a kdrama we had just watched. She had thought the lines were full of hope…
what does it mean to live well
A while ago an old friend texted me that an unexpected event had once again reminded her how transient life can be, and she thought of me because I was one of…
thoughts on the suicidal mind
[tw: suicide] I watched Roadrunner, a documentary about Anthony Bourdain, and it left me a lot of thoughts as someone who has struggled with my own existence my entire life. Though I am writing…
being creative is not just about making things
I place a lot of value on creativity in my life, and this has been pretty consistent throughout my various life stages. For a long time it was tied to my identity…
surprising myself with my self
I have always thought of myself as an open-minded person, but in recent years due to increasing self awareness I realised I can be very set in some patterns of my thinking,…
when my body goes rogue
[cw: pain, death] Yesterday I started experiencing pain in my body again. It is difficult not to feel low when it happens. I think chronic pain snowballs into a form of ptsd,…
contemplating mortality & creative output
These days I’ve been re-examining my relationship to my life, and by extension: my relationships to this website, social media, etc. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but I self-censor a…
breaking out of rigid thinking
I was very disorganised and messy when I was younger, and I often could not get things done. I was also very unfit – who wants to exercise when one can lie…
store up energy
She also taught me that it is important to store up energy during major life transitions. People rarely store up energy; almost everyone today has their energy mortgaged way into the future. I nurtured myself, trying not to make any major decisions and allowing my unconscious to wander wherever and however it would.