my mind, the invisible loudspeaker
Anhedonia. The inability to feel pleasure. I wonder if I have sort of been this way for as long as I can remember. Is that why I’ve always been somewhat reckless and…
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what does it mean to live well
A while ago an old friend texted me that an unexpected event had once again reminded her how transient life can be, and she thought of me because I was one of…
on imagining myself as a game character
On most days, I don’t feel like doing anything. This non-feeling taken to the extreme, can also mean I may not feel like living. Everything including breathing itself can feel like a chore. I am not…
enriching our essence
There was this day when suddenly I felt guilty for reading. It felt like a guilty pleasure: something so idle, so static, like I was not doing anything productive or creative. After…
time to be while being anxious about time
I have severe time anxiety. Every day I am hyper aware of time passing by. It is already the end of March, and soon it would be mid year, and before we…
breaking the doom scroll
7 days ago I changed my morning routine: previously I would doom scroll with my morning coffee, but for the last week I’ve been writing my morning pages instead. I had the…
my messy brain
seeing my brain in new light & trying to work with it instead of against it
the will to be truly alive
Every morning at the park I see people of all types doing their morning exercise. People exercise for different reasons. Vanity is of course a strong motivator, some people do it because…