when my body goes rogue
[cw: pain, death] Yesterday I started experiencing pain in my body again. It is difficult not to feel low when it happens. I think chronic pain snowballs into a form of ptsd,…
tags /chronic-pain /
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puppet
The older I grow, the more I come to realise I am actually like a puppet: I am at the mercy of my psyche and hormones. I am subject to their swings,…
like a million paper cuts
Yesterday while I was cycling for food delivery I had a worrying thought pop up. I began to feel depressed, which is a word that describes that complex feelings that arise that…
my blood as data
Sometime in March I had my blood drawn at a neighbourhood GP. I had wanted to get my blood tested for years, but was unable to overcome my fear of the needle…
sometimes the best one can do is to step away
I think that many people who suffered some form of oppression before will feel an extra sense of responsibility towards working for justice, because there is both a sensitivity and projection of…
on coping with emotional dysregulation
I realised that I have problems regulating stress and my emotions, only sometime in the last couple of years. This reminds me of the time when I told an ex-colleague I may…
negotiating peace within me
I reworded the introduction on my homepage yesterday to better reflect who I currently am as a person now. I wanted to acknowledge my ongoing struggles with my chronic health issues. It…
on the effects of being sick
I missed publishing a post last Sunday, because I was down with a cold turned migraine. I haven’t been sick for this amount of time since a long while ago, and it…
Pain and body image are closely related
Pain and body image are closely related. We always experience pain as projected into the body. When you throw your back out, you say, “My back is killing me!” and not, “My pain system is killing me.” But as phantoms show, we don’t need a body part or even pain receptors to feel pain. We need only a body image, produced by our brain maps. People with actual limbs don’t usually realize this, because the body images of our limbs are perfectly projected onto our actual limbs, making it impossible to distinguish our body image from our body. “Your own body is a phantom,” says Ramachandran, “one that your brain has constructed purely for convenience.”
Chronic patterns
on the repetition of unhealthy patterns