notes/

small meaningful things

beyond my control

My dad just got discharged from the hospital. Many years of reading too many medical research papers for my own health has made me turn into a health control freak. I am inclined to tell him to do this, don’t do that, eat this, don’t eat that. I feel anxious and unsettled about the medication he’s on and how it would affect his long term health.

But I am also aware he’s an adult, an old one in fact though biological age does not correspond with emotional age it seems. There’s only so much I can do as a child, and I can sort of understand why I was subject to so much control as a kid. It is difficult to maintain some detachment towards people you care about and respect their independence as an individual.

I think life is this long practice of constant letting go, and a lot of forced letting go.

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