Someone on mastodon mentioned that the state I was describing in my last post – Which after I simply slumped and curled up into a ball on the floor. I laid there for a long while, unable to move – seems similar to the autistic shutdown:
@wynlim There’s not necessarily a one-to-one comparison or connection here, but the state with which you start that post is somewhat akin to autistic shutdown. It’s the sort of thing where for me I’ve had to work at cultivating self-compassion.
– @bixfrankonis@social.lol
https://bix.blog/2023/04/13/my-unified-field-theory-of-shutdown-and-meltdown/
I thought that was an interesting observation for me. I have discussed with my partner countless times if I could be autistic, but I don’t exhibit the typical symptoms like aversion to touch or eye contact. The only overlap I have is sensory sensitivity: I can’t stand bright lights, noise, even video calls.
I feel like I am in nowhere land: I have adhd symptoms but apparently not classically adhd enough, my sensitivity to stimuli sometimes makes me feel like I am on the spectrum but again I don’t have the classic symptoms. I guess I am neurodivergent in a way that doesn’t fit anywhere defined on this earth.
I am still learning about myself as I approach my mid-40s. It is incredible how much we can be blind to our selves.