on-going mostly unedited stream of thoughts

finding balance

I’ve been unwell for the past two weekends. I’ve had one of my chronic migraines last weekend and this week, I’ve been having a headache with chills. Having chronic pain to me is worse than being outright sick like having a flu, because at least with a flu, you know it is going to go away eventually with the appropriate treatment. And it is not your fault that you are infected with a virus.

With chronic pain though, I start to wonder what went wrong and when. Was it my diet? Have I been thinking too much? Lack of exercise? Each time I try to do anything with my brain – think, read, write, all the favorite things I like to do, my pain and fatigue worsens.

I haven’t been sick for two weeks straight, in a very long while. It is making me ask myself some difficult questions. I have always been constitutionally weaker than the average person I would guess, in a different way. I don’t get colds or flus as much, but any shifts in my diet, sleep or environment will trigger something from a full spectrum of chronic issues.

I wonder if I have a finite unchangeable amount of energy I need to be careful of depleting, and if that means from now on I just have to be really picky about the things I choose to exert my energy on? I’ve just been reading a lot of research on chronic migraines, and apparently migraine sufferers have a different brain structure. It makes me wonder how much of it I can change, and how much of it is about learning how to cope.

It may mean that despite my obvious enjoyment and satisfaction from activities that require thinking, I may have to cut them down while I try to regain some balance to my health. It will take a lot of experimenting, and it may be possible that this can be something I cannot change, and therefore I need to decide where I want to focus my finite energy on.

I guess it is also a timely reminder that like everything else, life requires balance, and there’s perhaps no way I can get away with infinitely thinking without suffering any consequences. It is now time to incorporate less-thinking activities into my life – yoga, meditation, any suggestions?

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