7 years are a huge milestone for us. There is a saying in chinese: 七年之痒 which is loosely translated to “7-year itch”, and it predicts that most relationships don’t get past the 7th year mark because an itch would surface by then to be with someone new or simply boredom would set in. Both of our longest relationships prior to each other did not last beyond 7 years. I always half-joked that I would not treat our relationship seriously till it reaches the 7th year mark. So here we are.
She surprised me with a handmade booklet on our 7th year anniversary. I thought I would document it here and keep it as a digital copy since paper is beautiful but fragile.
We have many pet names for each other, but in recent times she calls me poppy and I call her poopy, hence:
the beginning
Our relationship started officially on the 2nd of may, 2016:
our first year
…after dating for roughly 6 months which we spent mostly not having enough sleep as we were always out late together, finding it difficult to separate. We would go back to our respective apartments and continue to talk to each other over the phone till wee hours of the night…so we decided to take a chance and sign a one-year rental lease together:
She arrived in my life like a bubble. I resisted her with all my might, and gave us a thousand reasons why it wouldn’t work. Putting out my baggage in full view, I was unconsciously putting out a dare for her, to love me. I was too broken, and she, too whole. I broke her heart by telling her I sought meaning, not happiness, that I can no longer put anyone else above my life’s work.
– I dare you to love me, listserve submission, 7th July 2016
Through her, I am knowing myself. Through my connection with her, I feel more connected to this world. I love the world more, because this world has her.
– her, 21st August 2016
our second year
One-ish years into our relationship, we made another life-changing decision to buy a home together:
Love is probably the most misused, misunderstood, over-simplified and yet overcomplicated word in the universe. But there’s no reason for someone to always be looking forward to your awakening or returning, as though as you’re her favourite collection of particles in the entire universe. It is even more unreasonable for the other party to feel exactly the same way.
– the luckiest, 2nd November 2017
We both believe having this mindset makes us love harder and treasure the time together much more. We try not to take the relationship for granted just because we are promised to each other, I don’t ask of her to stay with me till death do us part or through sickness and wealth. I am too broken to ask of anybody to stay while I wade through my own breakage. For me, love is to free, to want the best for her, with or without me.
– some views on love, 28th June, 2017
our third year
Love is about truly knowing the person: who they really are, not what we made up of them in our own delusional fantasies, not what we impose on them to fit them in our own versions of an ideal partner. It is about the willingness to witness someone’s becoming and yet understand the power we have to partake in it — a life-changing responsibility. Do I want to become a person capable of supporting and expanding my partner’s blossoming or do I give in to my insecurities and unconsciously, passive aggressively stifle it?
What I learned about love and loving a person, 2nd May 2018
I guess it is weird seeing us on a plane without masks on now, and how I miss those days when we can travel freely. I had travelled a lot back then because I knew even then I cannot take the safety of life and the world for granted. I hate being prescient. I am still glad we made it to many places together, little did we know we wouldn’t be able to travel for 3 full years, and I am not sure how safe is travelling now considering we really don’t wish to get covid again.
What gets better with time is the level of psychological intimacy. We have been so intentional with our honesty to each other – well some couples talk in code even after decades of marriage – that in the initial stages of our relationship I was skeptical if it would endure all that truth. There was no up-selling right from the start, in fact I was very deliberately down-selling. We placed all the possible difficulties and anything that may be dealbreakers right at the start, when it was the most fragile. So we fought and cried a lot. We fought so deeply that every monthly anniversary then felt precarious, like we were never going to celebrate the next, so we were exceptionally conscious of it.
– love does not run on autopilot, 2nd September 2018
– launshae’s instagram, 24th February 2019
our fourth year
I wanted to try doing food delivery to gamify my exercise – surprisingly my partner wanted to join me:
I often think about the impossibility of marriage (or any long-term relationship): how impossible it is for two people of different personalities, desires, motivations to live and construct a life together, imagine one likes to run ahead and the other likes to stay and soak in the sights — in the long run one will tire of slowing down and the other will tire of speeding up. There is a lot of giving way, making room, there is also a lot of giving up and suppressing wishes. We often tall about the wonders of romance in the media, but seldom do we speak of the horrors and sorrows, the strength of will and love to keep on mending, understanding, and loving despite all the pain and hurt that comes along with the sharpness of intimacy.
– instagram, 2nd July 2019
today I woke up suddenly realising she’s never criticised me once, ever. I’ve gone through so many phases and interests, and she’s supported me through them all. she’s never chided me for 三分钟热度 (three-minute heated temperature, meaning a short-lived interest, usually used in a negative way), instead she calls me her explorer ant, she sees my exploring and experimental ways as something to cherish, to behold.
instagram, 2nd March 2020
– launshae’s instagram, 2nd January 2020
our fifth year
We spent so much of our 5th year in some form of a lockdown. Back then we didn’t think the covid phenomenon would last forever, so we tried to make the most of it: I started to cook more, and we spent plenty of time outdoors. We also took the opportunity to have staycations in singapore, a welcome respite from the confines of our home.
It is not easy to live life out of the mainstream and to find a partner who thrives on that. We are like co-hermits, contented in our small life with not much of an ambition or special desires except the freedom to creative in the ways we want to. I feel tremendously lucky to find someone who sees the beauty in the small.
– my refuge, 2nd March 2021
There is a considerable loss of personal freedom in a relationship, it is an actual cost that has to be taken in consideration. Weighing the cost accurately allows the space for actual romance to take place, instead of letting the cost creep up unaware. However, in exchange for it, if we have the ridiculous luck to meet the right partner, there is another kind of freedom to be found.
– 55 months of weighing the costs, 2nd December 2020
our 6th year
After one of the vaccinations my partner developed histamine intolerance which caused her stomach to be upset whenever she ate. She reacted to virtually everything that was not home-cooked, which isn’t surprising considering how much of food out there contains soy sauce or tomatoes. I had to learn how to cook a low histamine diet. We ate mostly home cooked food for almost a year, and thankfully her symptoms are mostly gone now.
I realised taking care of someone whom you love and who has been showering you with love is something that comes naturally and willingly, because all I wanted was to see her free of suffering and discomfort. The truth is I could only become someone who can properly love and tend to a person because she was there to love and nourish me in the first place. With her, I learnt that love can be a safe place.
– instagram, 2nd January 2021
It seems like an injustice that my supposed next-of-kin would not be the person actually closest to me. The only person who is truly with me through all my ups and downs, who have seen the best and worst of me, who validated my concerns and took actual steps to address them, who has loved me fiercely and steadily for years – this person in the eyes of the law, would just be a mere acquaintance.
– the proposal, 6th june 2021
our 7th year
Our 7th year anniversary occured just right after I was infected with covid. Her rapid tests were either negative or very ambiguous, so we made the decision early on to isolate from each other. Even if she had some symptoms her viral load seemed low enough to not produce an unambiguous rapid test result, so I didn’t want to be exhaling billions of viral particles into her in hope she can escape mostly unscathed.
We have hardly spent a night apart during these 7 years so being unable to be with each other physically felt difficult. I guess it is easy to assume that we can be with our partner anytime, but who knows with the impermanence of life? This is a huge part of the reason why I’m so insistent of having a day a month to celebrate our relationship. It is so easy to take things for granted, when everything can be swept away in a second.
On my 10th day I started testing negative on some tests (I would not have a clear negative on Abbott Panbio tests – not even the faintest of lines – 48 hours apart until day 17), so I could hang out in the living room masked. So she had to build a fort to work on the booklet away from me. I had to give my promise that I would not peek, of course.
She gifted me the booklet right after we decided to stop isolating from each other, so it felt additionally poignant. To reminisce our 7 years in this manner after a long period apart.
We’ve experienced so much together.
the ending
the finer details
Here are a few more closeups of the booklet:
